I found my war cry

I have recently started running a mile every afternoon around our apartment complex. I am running on grass, parking lots, gutters, sidewalks, and past my neighbors restraining their dogs who start barking at me with lethal intent.

I have adapted a running regimen that's supposed to be used by Olympians where they run progressively longer distances at different speeds wherein they try to control their pace per mile. It's supposed to help improve your overall stamina and speed.

There are three reasons for doing this at this point in time. One is because I have my annual PT test coming up soon. Reason number 2, is the fact that in 2 years of being stationed in Texas, I have gained 25 lbs and steadily increasing to the point where, I feel so ashamed to have to admit this, but, I had to buy a new set of Blues. Lastly, I'm doing this because I hate running. I hate it so much that even before I run, even if its just for our squadron PT session which we do 3x a week, I feel like throwing up. Every. Single. Time.

I was never athletic. I was never into sports. I simply tried everything out but never took anything seriously. My physical activities were more geared towards speed walking on campus to get to my next class on time back in college.

I've been told it's just a mindset and it is true. My mind is set on "I hate running. I hate running. I hate running a million times forever." Every. Single. Time.

While I was running yesterday though, my thoughts went toward acceptance. I told myself that running is a fact of my life now and the sooner I come to terms with this, the sooner I can cope. I don't have to love running, I just need to do it right. I ran faster that afternoon.

Definitely being in the military, physical fitness is a key component. If you're not fit, start bidding your military career goodbye. I believe that in the AF, after 3 strikes you're out. I would rather not know and not to have to know if this information is accurate because that means I am failing miserably, and when I become a supervisor and this is information I have to know, that means I am failing my troops very miserably.

It only took me 2 years to start thinking of running as a fact of life and I hope this is the miracle I've been looking for to help me. I know for a fact that it is my attitude towards running that is keeping me from getting to the point where I don't have to struggle. I do have my physical limitations as well, but the mental factor is what's keeping me from training my body.

I always try to make up lame excuses to get out of running and when I do have to run, I stop. I don't want to have to do my PT test in a few months and still be scared of failing because I can't run. I want that stress gone.

This morning we did a 2 mile run. The last quarter mile I sprinted like crazy. 2 years of being thought of as the quiet, little Asian who didn't have an aggressive bone in her body, finally found her war cry today. I, found my war cry.

Force me to not just sprint but sprint like crazy to the pace of the 2 fastest runners in my squadron plus a Senior Master Sergeant from the NCO Academy, added to my desperation to finally learn to run well, I definitely found my war cry.

I wanted to cry afterwards, but I held back as much as I could. I ended up with loud sobs and red eyes without tears.

I ran this afternoon, too. 1 mile. Not as fast as yesterday's run time but I ran with my sore thighs, arms, shoulders, shin splints, and whatever other aches and pains I've been feeling since I started. I ran and I'm starting to like it. I'm starting to feel better. I'm a little less stressed than I always am and noticeably more energetic, too.

I will run until my bones break, I will run until my lungs explode. I will run for me because me is the totality of all my love for Zenon, all my goals for us, all the things I want to achieve for him.

I will run and I even have a war cry that goes with it now.

 

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